I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
