the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize