may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
