ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
