i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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