I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
