What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
