For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
