There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
