Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
