seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize