hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
