Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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