Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Found the puke drawer
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
