I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize