Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Less talking, more tequila
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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