dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
