Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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