Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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