You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
