Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
