break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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