i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
