when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
