I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
