all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
