I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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