I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
