Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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