just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
