I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish I only lived at night.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
