And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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