I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
