What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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