4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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