Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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