i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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