sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
