Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
