A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
