new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Small penises have feelings too.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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