i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
