I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
