were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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