The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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