every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
FUCK WHALES
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
