It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
