Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
