So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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