she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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