Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
