OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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