you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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