i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it because I queefed?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
