WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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