ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
