What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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