do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize