its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
