I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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