we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
