how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
